what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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