I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
