All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
