You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
