I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize