Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
