i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
