i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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