i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
