sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
