oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize