nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
