last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
