Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
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