New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize