I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
