my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
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