after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
