Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
