Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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