If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
