he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize