he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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