Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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