i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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