I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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