I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize