i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
