You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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