there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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