she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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