Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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