so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
