and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
