So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
