Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Randomize
