So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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