If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
