dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
