real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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