Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
where are my eyebrows?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
