Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize