We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
