Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
