Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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