I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
