arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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