In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
