This is the prime rib incident all over again
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Green mimosas i think yes
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize