I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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