No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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