I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
