I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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