It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
it's like heaven, but drunker
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
