Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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