well I can't set my house on fire every night
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
