I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
