You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
The ass gains better be worth it
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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