Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I got inside last night via doggy door
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
