Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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