went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
