barbara walters just said penis...
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
did i just pee glitter
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
