ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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