I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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