almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
