You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
