I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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