I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
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