watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
