i wish peter jackson would direct porn
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
