And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
