FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
