Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize