I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
