goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize