6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
