I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
