You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
