so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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