Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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