Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
