He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize