We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
