Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
