im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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