I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
