My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
