i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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