she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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