I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
