I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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