Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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