Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
