Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
