i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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