sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize