How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
