Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
