i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
