is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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