I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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