We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
