i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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