i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
