I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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