I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I can't turn off my feet"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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