Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize