you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
