No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
