Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
