i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
