I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
