Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
