currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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