Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
