I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize