Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize