he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
