the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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